"The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few"

Isn't it funny how we are amazed when God answers prayer? Like we said we believed He could do it, but yet in the back of our minds, there sat the doubt. Is it really gonna happen? Laying dormant, but not erased. And then amazingly, He actually does what we've been praying and trying to believe him for….and we can hardly believe it!

This has been me. Ever since Cindy moved in December we've been praying this prayer at 1:05 each day. For the Lord to send more workers. With two specifically in mind. And next week one of those workers, Naomi, will be here! For some reason I can't shake this amazement at the Lord. Thinking in my head, "You actually did it, Lord. I've been praying and praying and it's actually happening!" And God probably smiles back at me saying, "Love, if I can? All things are possible to him who believes." He sees those doubts that mingle within my prayers and still longs to answer the cry of my heart. What an amazing God we serve.

I was reading in Isaiah today when I came across this verse:

Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!”  He said, “Go, and tell this people:

‘Keep on listening, but do not perceive;
Keep on looking, but do not understand.’
“Render the hearts of this people insensitive,
Their ears dull,
And their eyes dim,
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
Hear with their ears,
Understand with their hearts,
And return and be healed.”

 Then I said, “Lord, how long?” And He answered,

“Until cities are devastated and without inhabitant,
Houses are without people
And the land is utterly desolate,
“The Lord has removed men far away,
And the forsaken places are many in the midst of the land. “Yet there will be a tenth portion in it,
And it will again be subject to burning,
Like a terebinth or an oak
Whose stump remains when it is felled.
The holy seed is its stump.”

I remember reading this a year ago as I had just moved to Lincoln and as the nerves and anxiousness had set it. I remember being reminded that I had told God that I was willing, that I would go. This year though, I saw something different. I've always seen this as a glorious mission. I've pictured him standing up and triumphantly shouting that he will go. But as I read it today I noticed the hard things God was asking him to do as well. He was about to go to a people with hardened and insensitive hearts. That wouldn't listen and wouldn't hear. He was not going to do some glorious and triumphant thing. He was asked to go where the road was rough, broken, and narrow. But Isaiah didn't back down. This is the realness of doing what God asks you to do. It's not always full of mountain tops and flowers. I've had to learn this a lot this past year. A lot of the time He asks us to walk the weary road thats drenched with rain. But there's another thing that road is marked with…the footsteps of our Savior. And there's not a better road to walk than that.

One Year

One Year.

I can hardly believe it that it's already been that long. Sometimes it just feels like yesterday that I packed up my stuff from what had become my little haven in Spring Acres. And yet here I stand one year later.  And looking back I wouldn't take back a thing.  There were many, many hard days of missing home. Many dark dreary days where it seemed like the clouds would never part and break through with His light. Some days where clinging with white knuckles to His promises were all that kept me looking ahead. But yet in that place was right where God wanted to teach me the most. Taking me deeper on this adventure with Him and showing me that I can trust Him in the darkness, step out into the unknown with Him, and have confidence and peace because the Creator of this universe holds my hand and knows my course. I think most of all He's taught me that He wants me to continually take courageous steps of faith for the rest of my life. There may be times where the road is twisting and turning so much that ahead is a complete unknown, and that's okay because it's not me who determines my path. He's not done with me. He's not finished with His work inside me. And that is a reason to rejoice because it is joy being apart of what He is doing.

Just 3 weeks ago we started the first CWS group in Lincoln. It's been challenging, but at the same time so cool to watch what God is doing. I'll be honest, I miss college ministry. But my life isn't based off that. I am here to be an ambassador of Christ…whether in college, the singles, married, or whatever stage, that is my purpose.

Here's to one year!

You're gonna miss this.

We've reached the end. The finish line has arrived, and here begins the next year. Funny how I still count years by school years (guess being in the Rock 6 years will do that to you).

I've been thinking about a song this country song lately. There's a line in the chorus that goes "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days, hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times. So take a good look all around. You may not know this now, but you're gonna miss this."

All of my life it seems I'm constantly looking ahead and thinking that the next stage, or if I could just be here or there, or if I was just married, or if I was just.... fill in the blank with whatever. Anything, but the here and now. And when I look back I miss what used to be, even though at the time my gaze was fixed ahead at what would make my life better. One day I will look at the years I first moved to Lincoln and I truly believe I will miss it. Somehow in the bigger picture the hardships, the roughness, the pain...it seems to fade some, but what lasts is the joys and the times of laughter. That is what sticks. And I don't want to look back with regrets because I was took focused on the future.

Now that I've reached the end of the summer, almost a year of living in Lincoln, I feel like I've finally started to see progress in these relationships. The light I've been waiting for at the end of the tunnel. The water in the desert. The goodness in the land I was trusting the Lord to bring. And now after seeing this, I've been a little sad that now I will be leaving the Rock. But I was reminded at how God continues to ask me to take more steps of faith. He doesn't want me to stay the same. He wants to continue this adventure. A friend said to me...it's like you've stepped out in faith, God's done so much, and yet He's like "let's just keep moving forward, daughter." And that's so true. I've told the Lord time and time again that I don't ever want to become stagnant in my walk. Stagnant water sits, unyielding, completely useless and it just plain stinks. I don't want my life to be that. And so He keeps pushing me further and further along. Sometimes it just take a little nudge and then there's other times where it seems He's almost shoving me down a scary and unknown road, but there comes a point when I finally see it. The plans for good He had whispered in my ear as I took baby steps along the path. The joy in the pain and toil. That it is worth it. And sometimes that takes a really really long time, and what feels like really really long days and months just pushing the plough. But you know what's so cool about my King...is that He knows, He understands, He gets it. He stands with me through the tears and the questions. He holds my shaking hands when I feel unsure, He comforts me when my heart is breaking and it feels like I can't do it anymore, and He doesn't give up on me even when I want to throw that heavy plough down. He reminds me of His truth and the bigger picture. And He pushes me to keep going. I will choose to continue trusting Him for His goodness in this land.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:13-14

#SLT life

Week….I don't even remember, maybe 9 is rounding the corner. It has been a busy, crazy, jam packed…but fun summer. And we're nearing the end. It has been so good to be around men and women who are serious about you and letting you change their lives.

God has been teaching me a lot this summer, it's hard to pinpoint all of it. But the most recent thing He has been graciously showing me, is that he wants to be my best friend, my confidant, my everything. I have a tendency to rely on people or look to others when my cup is dry. I go to the Lord and seek Him, but ultimately, when it all boils down, I'm seeking out fulfillment in others more than Him. It's like drinking salt water when you're dehydrated. It satisfies that initial longing, but soon after leaves you more thirsty than before. And it's a vicious cycle. People were never meant to replace the Lord. They will leave me cold, and broken, and unfulfilled, because they will let me down. No matter how hard they may try, they will. HE has to be all I need, HE has to be my source, HE has to be where I fill my cup. And yet that's so hard to live out. I still want to find my peace, and love, and security in others. I still find this tug to fill up my cup in soiled wells. And each time, I'm left feeling discouraged and disappointed.

It's so weird how much life changes in so little time. Less than a year ago I wouldn't have ever guessed that this is where I'd be now and what I'd be doing. And then seeing friends I haven't seen in a while and seeing how much their lives have changed as well. Part of it makes me so sad, because life as I have known it, is forever changed. There's no going back to the way things were in the upper floor of the University dorms where a lot of us girls lived, or to my first apartment, or even to the feeling of when I first moved to Lincoln…life moves on. And it has. People are making new friends that I don't know or hardly see and life is moving on for me in Lincoln. And it will continue to do so even more. And for some people I may drift further and further away from them as our lives go two different paths. It's hard to not dwell on the sadness of losing that. Sometimes I just want to be able to hit the pause button on life, or even rewind for a little while, but the fact still remains…life keeps moving on. But I'm trying to keep my focus on what God is doing right now and the excitement in what He will do. I can't focus on the past, I can't live in rewind. I want to be apart of what the Lord is now and be okay with the change.

HE is here. HE is working. And I get to be apart of it. For that I can rejoice!

We're not home yet.

I am a traveler. A wanderer in this world. 

I'm not home. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. About how so much of the time we want to be comfortable, or even think we have a right to feel at home. But You tell us in Your Word that we are strangers in this world. I don't have a right to a life of ease and comfort. In fact, you want the very opposite of me. This should not feel like home, because if it does, something is very wrong. Heaven is my home. And until then I will feel out of place. This world will not accept me, because I don't fit into it's mold and that's okay. One day I will be home and that is enough. When we sing songs about heaven, my heart aches for it, but I will wait. And while I wait I will have hope.

SLT has begun. It's weird to write that because it doesn't feel like what I think of SLT as. But honestly, I'm okay with that. It's been three days and I already feel so refreshed by the saints. Now maybe this is just a sweet honeymoon period, and if so, that's okay too, but it's been so good for my soul. I didn't have the greatest attitude coming into it because this is my sixth summer…6th SUMMER doing this ha! And I felt like I was just thrown into it because I'm in Lincoln and still apart of the Rock. But something about that just didn't seem right. The Lord has planned my life…He knows exactly where he has me in each stage of my life, and He knew He would place me here at this moment in my life. The KING of the whole earth planned exactly where I would be. For my good. My Dad, My King, My Lord would not just "throw me in" just because. He has to have a reason and purpose for me in it. And I'm realizing that He has something to teach me too through this, if I let Him. And so I'm choosing to find joy in it…in the craziness of the house full of women, in the self defense lessons we teach each other in the basement, in the meals spent together, in the long long days at work, in the sack lunches that don't quite fill me up, in the busy schedule…there is joy in it. Because you are in it.

So Choose Life…

Do you ever just feel left out? Even when life is full and there is plenty to join in on? There are things you know you're missing out on, and that empty feeling comes lurking back. Tugging your aching heart down with it. I know God has given me a satisfying and full life, and yet I long for more. 

The Omaha church is merging their two services together and as excited I am for them, there's also a hollow feeling knowing I'm not apart of this new beginning with them. Life is moving on without me there. I knew it would, but it doesn't hurt any less seeing it happen now. But I must remember that it's not about me, it's about Him. He told us to become less so He could be greater. The last will be first, He said. And yet my selfishness and pride doesn't want to be left out and forgotten. It fights every step of the way off that stage.

Reading this book about this girl who went to Uganda, my heart longs for something crazy like that. With friends in Nepal and hearing so many stories of You in these other countries, it's been on my mind a lot lately. And yet at the same time I know there are so many fears and hardships with it, but still I long for it. I feel restless. Discontent. I long to do something crazy for the Lord (at least for a few months), but yet I know this is where God has me right now. He hasn't called me to leave, at least not right now. And I know He's trying to teach me to be content with Him right where I'm at. 

Since moving to Lincoln life feels like it has ramped up 500%. Sometimes looking back to my life in Omaha, I'm so surprised by how much time I had. What the heck was I even doing?! Here I feel like I have hardly any time to do all the things I need to do. At times I wonder if God will really sufficiently supply. I look ahead to this summer and next fall and get so overwhelmed at the path ahead. Are you sure God? Do you realize the challenges I'm going to face? It feels like too much. But He says to me…

 "I have led you forty years in the wilderness; your clothes have not worn out on you, and your sandal has not worn out on your foot."

Deuteronomy 29:5

"Are not five sparrows sold for two cents? Yet not one of them is forgotten before God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows."

Luke 12:6-7

He has been supplying my every need so far. Even though at times it might feel like the bare minimum, He has not failed on His promise. And surely He will not for my future. Just as He cares for the sparrows and would never forget them, He will for me too.

"For this commandment which I command you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach. It is not in heaven, that you should say, ‘Who will go up to heaven for us to get it for us and make us hear it, that we may observe it?’  Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, ‘Who will cross the sea for us to get it for us and make us hear it, that we may observe it?’  But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may observe it.

Deuteronomy 30:11-14

“See, I have set before you today life and prosperity, and death and adversity…So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him"

Deuteronomy 30:15, 19-20

He is asking me once again to choose the narrow road. To choose to give up my wants, my dreams, my own plans and follow Him. It may not be what I want, or how I would choose, but He tells me He knows the bigger picture. He hold my dreams and doesn't forget them. He knows my heart. And I can trust Him with it all. 

Beauty in the Ashes

I've been finding myself bogged down by a lot of things lately. Work, tiredness, discouragement, busyness, and on and on… I've felt like I'm drowning in it.

It's easy to focus on the bad, the hard, the roughness of the day, to miss the gold in the mud and mire.  And in it I miss all the little blessings He has for me.  The laughs of my coworkers, the treasure of lunch with a friend, a quiet evening at home hearing from Your word. I want to see the beauty in these little things.

And so when work is stressful…when my sandwich falls in gravel after only a few bites…when traffic is frustrating…when I spill pizza sauce on white shirt…and all in one day…I will choose to find the joy in the little things. I'm learning to rejoice even when it's hard, even though time and time again I fail.  But praise the Lord that I have a Savior who pours His grace over me, no matter how many times I need it each day.  Each time His mercies are new.  

Contentment.

….and life just keeps getting crazier.

Just when I think I've known a lot of change and things won't surprise me too much, God proves me wrong. He always seems to take me around twists and turns I never expect, pushing me to take blindfolded steps of faith. I know it's good for me, but still my flesh battles within me to be content with all the change.

Contentment.

It seems like such an easy thing. But for me this is a huge battleground that I must face. The temptations come from so many areas. As simple as seeing a picture and wishing I was somewhere other than where the Lord has placed me, or being content at work, or with how He is choosing to use me…and I could go on and on.  I must continually remind myself to "be still and know that He is Lord." Time and time again I must slow my heart down and remember that he is enough.

Just as Psalm 23 says "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not be in want." I know He is enough. I have all I need in Him, yet why do I keep wishing and wanting more?
I don't know why I forget this so often, but I will keep lifting my eyes up to Him, seeking Him for the power to find my contentment purely in Him.

You called me out upon the water

With an unflinching focus on his Savior, Peter stepped out onto the shifting waves.  "Come" Jesus told him. He knew his King was calling out and knew who it was upon that water.  Comforted by the knowledge of His protection among the storm, Peter obeyed, prompted by His leading.  Almost without thought or reason, but with complete faith, He strode to Jesus' side. But in a flash, this moment of faith faded and Peter's clear and focused gaze shifted. With His Savior's eyes no longer in view, he glanced upon the fierce and powerful storm. And at the same moment his feet began to sink. What was, just a few seconds before such great faith, now became dim and blurred. Calling out for Jesus to save him, the King took ahold of his hand and asked him why he doubted. 

This is me.  I am Peter.

I too stepped out upon that water. My faith firm, my confidence steady in Him. I heard his call and knew I must step out of the protection that the boat provided.  My friends were all in that boat. But with a quick goodbye and one careful step after another, I strided after my Savior. At first my eyes were confident, fixed upon him. But then my thoughts began to waver and my feet, beginning to shake, started to sink.  For a split-second, my eyes looked at the storm. 

Jim shared this verse as we all shared about Faithwalkers on New Year's Eve night and what we learned. He shared about how Peter took a step of faith. He stepped out of the boat. Did he fail a little? Yes. Did he take his eyes off Jesus when he shouldn't have? Yes. But Peter also took a step of faith, he stepped out of the boat. He shared about how it's okay to fail. The Lord is perfect so we don't have to never mess up, but He does ask us to try. To step out of the boat. 

To be honest, I have at times been regretting my step out on the water. I've had my eyes fixed upon the storm and questioned if this is destroying my faith. But Peter's faith, although he faltered for a minute, wasn't destroyed. He kept on trying. He continued to step out of the boat for His Savior. Did he fail some down the road? He did. And I will too. But that's okay because I have a Daddy by my side who holds out his hand and gently picks me back up. He brushes off the dirt and mud caked on my clothes and asks me to keep following Him. Praise the Lord for a loving Father never gives up on us!