You know what I've realized...I love reading blogs.
Maybe even more than a good book.
There's just something about them that's so real, so personal.
Giving you a little peak into the deeps of that person.
And I love writing my weird thoughts onto the these "pages" as well.
Time. It's such a weird concept. Some days it feels like it evaporates right from my fingertips, and other days trying to use every power I've got to will it to pass by. Times where I feel like I'm stuck in this period that will never end and others where I can't soak enough of the sunlight in. Lately, it's been the "oh my goodness this day is lasting forever" period of the year. Counting down the days till August when life, and that of those around me, goes back to normal. Or at least what's close to normal.
It's strange really. I have always loved the summer. Well, I guess it's a love/hate relationship...but still a lot of love there. But this summer, to be honest, has been a completely different story. I feel like I'm caged in, like there are weights around my feet and ties on my hands. Stuck. And on the outside. I miss my friends - who have this busy and insane summer going on, while I feel like I'm sitting and watching from a window in another room. And then there's our new house, right across the street, taunting me every morning and night as I walk to my car. Don't get me wrong, my summer has been full and busy too, but in a different way. But I'm struggling to find the joy in it.
15 days. I've started a countdown. Sounds pretty pathetic, but I guess whatever works?! I've even told myself..."only one more week really, cause it's only one more full week, and the week after that will be so much easier, so I should just count it as a week."
And yet while these thoughts run rampant in my head, I can't help but feel the gentle nudge of God. Softly whispering,
Meg. I want to teach you a lesson, love.
...while my mind continues to think of five other ways I can magically make time move faster.
I read this part in Spurgeon, and it made me pause.
"When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me."
-Psalm 56:9
It is impossible for any human speech to express the full meaning of this delightful phrase, "God is for me." He was "for us" before the worlds were made...he was "for us" though we were against Him; he was "for us," when we were ruined in the fall--he has loved us notwithstanding all; he was "for us," when we were rebels against him, and with a high hand were bidding him defiance; he was "for us," or he would not have brought us humbly to seek his face. He has been "for us" in many struggles..."When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies be turned back." This is no uncertain hope, but a well grounded assurance--"this I know."
And I realized something. In this busyness of everyones summer, and often feeling left out or behind, I realized this thinking had come into my relationship with God as well. I felt left behind by Him. I felt like He had forgotten me and left me in the dust. Crushed under my own weaknesses and failures. Like He was more concerned with everyone else's summer and concerns than He was about mine.
But yet the psalmist said the words..."this I know; for God is for me." ...for ME. Completely opposite of those lies in my head. I can be certain of this truth and this hope. He is for me. He hasn't forgotten, He hasn't lost sight of me, He hasn't left me behind. This whole summer, He's been right there beside me.
I know this isn't the end of what He wants to teach me through this summer, because I still feeling the lingering feeling, still willing time to keep going...but I'm finding joy in the hope of His words.
This I know, for God is for me.
