"The Walking Wounded"
This is exactly how I feel. Mike said this phrase the other day at the Rock to describe a lot of us who moved here to Lincoln. Day in and day out the devil hasn't relented. I fight off his attacks and get back up, yet still bruised and bleeding. Walking this road I can't see the end in sight. The pathway goes on with twists and turns that I can't predict. The unknown is scary. We have a Savior by our side that says He hold us in His hands and knows the plans He has for us, and yet my heart still pounds as I curve toward the next bend in the road. My faith still trembles when I know it should stand firm in His promise. Thoughts wander when they should be fixed upon His words. "We are all just one step away." It sent shivers through me as I heard this from Mike as he was praying. I am just one step away. I am not immune. I am not strong on my own. If I don't seek Him, if I don't pick up my cross, I will be taken out. This is a reality I humbly need to be aware of. Praise the Lord that He is my strength, my help, and my hope!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
HE is faithful
"Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it"
1 Thessalonians 5:24
On Thursday I went to McDonalds with Linc and Doc as I babysat for LG for Hannah and Shane. After eating our meal (which takes a VERY long time when you are distracted with such a fun play place right in the other room) we headed off to play. Immediately when they crawled into the play place they began to meet kids and quickly formed friendships with each other. This one little boy and particular started to join in chasing monsters around with Linc and Doc. He even came and gave Linc a hug saying sorry for pushing him.
What amazes me is how quickly children form these bonds. They're so quick to trust. Unlike us their guard isn't up sky high for someone to climb over and gain. They don't build up walls keeping people out. Instead they have such a childlike faith. I often think about how the Lord asks us, as well, to have this type of faith. Trust is something that we have had broken so many times, that it becomes hard for us to even allow our hearts to trust our Savior.
Forming friendships here has been more difficult than I thought. Even after 4 months here I feel like I am still in the process of getting to know these girls on a very basic level. I don't have those close friends that I can go to here. They are being built, but still not there yet. Trying to bind these bonds of fellowship and at the same time reach out to the lost has been somewhat exhausting. My brain feels like it's on overload most of the time. I lie down at night tired physically, mentally, and spiritually. I long for some comfort of friends on this road, but right now my comfort must be found purely in Christ alone. If He has the power to move mountains, form this universe, and raise Christ from the dead, then He must have the power to give me strength in this walk.
Last night we had all church prayer. I was so sick, but I knew my soul needed to be with the saints. Ben shared Psalm 23
As he read this psalm tears started flowing. Reading this, I was overwhelmed by my Saviors peace, protection and comfort that He gives in the midst of "the darkest valley". He is enough. I lack nothing. Even though I walk through darkness, my cup can overflow.
Then he asked these questions:
1. What things are distracting you right now? What anxious thoughts that you need to yield to the Lord?
2. What ways do you need the Lord to renew your strength in at this moment?
3. What fears are you facing right now that He can help you with?
For each of these questions, there was a billion things that were capturing my thoughts, so many fears, so much that was pulling me down. I am a woman with many fears. And I often allow these fears to take hold and devour my thoughts. But the Lord has and is continuing to teach me to yield them all to Him and to trust with that childlike faith. He has shown me time and time again that He is faithful. And I must allow my heart to rest in that promise.
1 Thessalonians 5:24
On Thursday I went to McDonalds with Linc and Doc as I babysat for LG for Hannah and Shane. After eating our meal (which takes a VERY long time when you are distracted with such a fun play place right in the other room) we headed off to play. Immediately when they crawled into the play place they began to meet kids and quickly formed friendships with each other. This one little boy and particular started to join in chasing monsters around with Linc and Doc. He even came and gave Linc a hug saying sorry for pushing him.
What amazes me is how quickly children form these bonds. They're so quick to trust. Unlike us their guard isn't up sky high for someone to climb over and gain. They don't build up walls keeping people out. Instead they have such a childlike faith. I often think about how the Lord asks us, as well, to have this type of faith. Trust is something that we have had broken so many times, that it becomes hard for us to even allow our hearts to trust our Savior.
Forming friendships here has been more difficult than I thought. Even after 4 months here I feel like I am still in the process of getting to know these girls on a very basic level. I don't have those close friends that I can go to here. They are being built, but still not there yet. Trying to bind these bonds of fellowship and at the same time reach out to the lost has been somewhat exhausting. My brain feels like it's on overload most of the time. I lie down at night tired physically, mentally, and spiritually. I long for some comfort of friends on this road, but right now my comfort must be found purely in Christ alone. If He has the power to move mountains, form this universe, and raise Christ from the dead, then He must have the power to give me strength in this walk.
Last night we had all church prayer. I was so sick, but I knew my soul needed to be with the saints. Ben shared Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Then he asked these questions:
1. What things are distracting you right now? What anxious thoughts that you need to yield to the Lord?
2. What ways do you need the Lord to renew your strength in at this moment?
3. What fears are you facing right now that He can help you with?
For each of these questions, there was a billion things that were capturing my thoughts, so many fears, so much that was pulling me down. I am a woman with many fears. And I often allow these fears to take hold and devour my thoughts. But the Lord has and is continuing to teach me to yield them all to Him and to trust with that childlike faith. He has shown me time and time again that He is faithful. And I must allow my heart to rest in that promise.
Friday, December 6, 2013
your God will come.
I'm feeling ambitious this week…two blog posts! Writing just has a way of calming my soul. I've decided I want to chronicle this journey to Lincoln. There has been so many challenges that I never expected. I knew it wouldn't be an easy road, but I definitely didn't think rocky path was the way the Lord would take me. Now there is goodness and encouragement in it, but I think my eyes weren't quite open to the roughness that this road would produce. When I thought of a church plant, my mind thought of all the glorious things about it…the beginning of a church, watching it grow, seeing God move in big and mighty ways. All of that is glorious. But what I didn't realize was the mud and dirt mixed all around that. The tiring and weary days of working for the Lord, but seeing very little. Knowing that just like those heroes of the faith before me, I may only "welcome it from a distance." And to still believe that the Lord is good.
This week has been harder than most. I miss home. Not just in a "aww I miss this or that"…yeah that's part of it. But in a deep longing in my heart miss home. Some days its easier and some days harder, but this week has been a constant struggle for joy. It's one of those weeks where the rain just won't let up, day in and day out the storm remains. I look up to the heavens, weary of it, but can't find any light shining through the clouds. Going out early each morning to push the plough, the bitter cold burrows into my skin, leaving me shivering in its midst. I feel my hands slipping more and more as I try to keep a firm grip. Trying to hold on, trying to remember what I'm here for.
Sometimes I just feel forgotten…but I'm sure we all feel like that at some point. And I must remember that He never will. My hands drop to my sides, too weary to raise any higher. I look up once again at the cloudy sky. Hoping, wishing, praying for some relief.
"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come'" Isaiah 35:3.
He will come. The sky will break through with sun one day…maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but there is hope in His words. He will come.
So lifting my tired eyes once more, I fix my gaze toward heaven. I will watch for You.
I will have hope.
"The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom…Water will gush forth from the wilderness and streams in the desert" Isaiah 35:1,5
This week has been harder than most. I miss home. Not just in a "aww I miss this or that"…yeah that's part of it. But in a deep longing in my heart miss home. Some days its easier and some days harder, but this week has been a constant struggle for joy. It's one of those weeks where the rain just won't let up, day in and day out the storm remains. I look up to the heavens, weary of it, but can't find any light shining through the clouds. Going out early each morning to push the plough, the bitter cold burrows into my skin, leaving me shivering in its midst. I feel my hands slipping more and more as I try to keep a firm grip. Trying to hold on, trying to remember what I'm here for.
Sometimes I just feel forgotten…but I'm sure we all feel like that at some point. And I must remember that He never will. My hands drop to my sides, too weary to raise any higher. I look up once again at the cloudy sky. Hoping, wishing, praying for some relief.
"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come'" Isaiah 35:3.
He will come. The sky will break through with sun one day…maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but there is hope in His words. He will come.
So lifting my tired eyes once more, I fix my gaze toward heaven. I will watch for You.
I will have hope.
"The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom…Water will gush forth from the wilderness and streams in the desert" Isaiah 35:1,5
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
A step of faith…into the great unknown
At times I'm so aware of this gruesome fight we're in, so enveloped in war, my eyes focused, ready, and trained. I hear verses like "Be on alert…" or "be steadfast" and I stand at my watchtower, listening for his tactics. Ready for a fight at a moments notice. But then there's those times I lose my focus. I long for peace and rest and think that if I just take a moment, just lay down my sword for a second, that the enemy won't notice. Naively, I wish for a break from the war. I want a life of ease. Wishing for things simply because they would mean an easier road. But the Lord stands in the way of these silly plans I make and says to me "Megan, will you do this for me? Will you truly lay down your life for me?" Of course my heart jumps up and says "Yes Lord, Yes!" But then comes fork in the road, the place were the two paths separate from one another. To choose the life of ease? Or lay down my wants, plans, everything, to follow Him? It is there that my faith is truly tested. It is there were I must make the hard decision that denies my selfish flesh. But the battle doesn't end there. As I walk down the narrow road, the devil continues his persistent temptations. "Just walk back to the wide road, life will be so much easier" he whispers to my ears. All his ideas sound so pleasant to my weary soul. The thought rolls through my mind, twisting and turning through my brain until the idea almost seems to be okay with the Lord. Almost. As I pick up my foot about to pivot in place, returning to where I had come from, the Lord shouts my name louder than I've ever heard him speak before. And instantly the realization of what I'm doing hits my mind. I stop dead in my tracks. And I know I cannot turn back to the easy road. Even if this narrow road I'm on means a constant battle every day. Continuing on I hear him asking time and time again…"Do you trust me Megs?" or "Do you believe I have your good in mind?" or "Do you truly believe I'm all you need?" At times my answer is a weak "No, but help me to believe." Sometimes, well, most of the time right now, that's all I can offer Him. But I know he sees my heart, my longing to believe His promises. My little feeble faith. And he says "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain jump." My faith may be as small as a mustard seed right now, but I know, I must believe, that He is pleased with that little seed. And that is what I will hold on to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)