A step of faith…into the great unknown

At times I'm so aware of this gruesome fight we're in, so enveloped in war, my eyes focused, ready, and trained.  I hear verses like "Be on alert…" or "be steadfast" and I stand at my watchtower, listening for his tactics.  Ready for a fight at a moments notice.  But then there's those times I lose my focus. I long for peace and rest and think that if I just take a moment, just lay down my sword for a second, that the enemy won't notice. Naively, I wish for a break from the war. I want a life of ease. Wishing for things simply because they would mean an easier road. But the Lord stands in the way of these silly plans I make and says to me "Megan, will you do this for me? Will you truly lay down your life for me?" Of course my heart jumps up and says "Yes Lord, Yes!" But then comes fork in the road, the place were the two paths separate from one another. To choose the life of ease? Or lay down my wants, plans, everything, to follow Him?  It is there that my faith is truly tested. It is there were I must make the hard decision that denies my selfish flesh. But the battle doesn't end there. As I walk down the narrow road, the devil continues his persistent temptations. "Just walk back to the wide road, life will be so much easier" he whispers to my ears. All his ideas sound so pleasant to my weary soul. The thought rolls through my mind, twisting and turning through my brain until the idea almost seems to be okay with the Lord. Almost. As I pick up my foot about to pivot in place, returning to where I had come from, the Lord shouts my name louder than I've ever heard him speak before. And instantly the realization of what I'm doing hits my mind. I stop dead in my tracks. And I know I cannot turn back to the easy road. Even if this narrow road I'm on means a constant battle every day.  Continuing on I hear him asking time and time again…"Do you trust me Megs?" or "Do you believe I have your good in mind?" or "Do you truly believe I'm all you need?" At times my answer is a weak "No, but help me to believe." Sometimes, well, most of the time right now, that's all I can offer Him. But I know he sees my heart, my longing to believe His promises. My little feeble faith. And he says "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain jump." My faith may be as small as a mustard seed right now, but I know, I must believe, that He is pleased with that little seed. And that is what I will hold on to.