God has been teaching me a lot this summer, it's hard to pinpoint all of it. But the most recent thing He has been graciously showing me, is that he wants to be my best friend, my confidant, my everything. I have a tendency to rely on people or look to others when my cup is dry. I go to the Lord and seek Him, but ultimately, when it all boils down, I'm seeking out fulfillment in others more than Him. It's like drinking salt water when you're dehydrated. It satisfies that initial longing, but soon after leaves you more thirsty than before. And it's a vicious cycle. People were never meant to replace the Lord. They will leave me cold, and broken, and unfulfilled, because they will let me down. No matter how hard they may try, they will. HE has to be all I need, HE has to be my source, HE has to be where I fill my cup. And yet that's so hard to live out. I still want to find my peace, and love, and security in others. I still find this tug to fill up my cup in soiled wells. And each time, I'm left feeling discouraged and disappointed.
It's so weird how much life changes in so little time. Less than a year ago I wouldn't have ever guessed that this is where I'd be now and what I'd be doing. And then seeing friends I haven't seen in a while and seeing how much their lives have changed as well. Part of it makes me so sad, because life as I have known it, is forever changed. There's no going back to the way things were in the upper floor of the University dorms where a lot of us girls lived, or to my first apartment, or even to the feeling of when I first moved to Lincoln…life moves on. And it has. People are making new friends that I don't know or hardly see and life is moving on for me in Lincoln. And it will continue to do so even more. And for some people I may drift further and further away from them as our lives go two different paths. It's hard to not dwell on the sadness of losing that. Sometimes I just want to be able to hit the pause button on life, or even rewind for a little while, but the fact still remains…life keeps moving on. But I'm trying to keep my focus on what God is doing right now and the excitement in what He will do. I can't focus on the past, I can't live in rewind. I want to be apart of what the Lord is now and be okay with the change.
HE is here. HE is working. And I get to be apart of it. For that I can rejoice!
