|| Wanderer ||

A few days ago I ready this verse

"Then all the disciples left Him and fled" Matthew 26:56

I never say this about verses in the Bible, but I really don't like this verse. For two reasons:
Every time I read it, my heart sinks and I wish it weren't true. I want the disciples to be strong enough.  I want them to stand with Jesus.  To be there until the last moment of Him being taken away, but they all fail. They all flee. Every single one of them, even though they said they would not.  I think I dislike this verse so much because it shows our frailties.  The disciples were anything but perfect. In our own flesh we are prone to wander and flee. This verse so clearly reminds me that I am weak and prone to drift on my own.

And second I don't like it because I hate that He stood alone. I know, I know, it was a part of His plan. I get it. But I hate that He had to. The feeling of loneliness is something I struggle with quite a bit. And lately I've been feeling it sneaking back in. The devil knows this and uses it to discourage and distract me from God using me. And often I let Him.  I can be surrounded by people and yet feel so so alone. He lurks in the darkness gripping onto the slightest lie he knows I'll believe.  God has grown and taught me a lot in this area, but it is still something I must daily guard myself against and fight to remember His truth.

But amidst the disheartening words in this verse, there is also encouragement. He has gone before me. He has experienced loneliness like I never have before. He knows this road. He understands the pain. And through this passage, He shows me a way to stand even when I may stand alone. By seeking the help from the One who is able to handle it. And then as I continue reading I see the aftermath of Jesus continuing despite walking the lonely path…salvation for the world. And so I'm left with a heart of thanks and praise to my Savior who walked this road ahead of me and didn't give up.